i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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