Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
