You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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