at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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