I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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