I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
