no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
