If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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