The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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