you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
