I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize