I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
