oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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