Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize