Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize