your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
