Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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