Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
