We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
