Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
