I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
