Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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