HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize