She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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