At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
