i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
