he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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