i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
