I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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