I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
