I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
