There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
