good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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