Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
