This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
