My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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