dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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