You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
