I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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