So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I FOUND THE LEGS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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