idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I deserve this hangover.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
