So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
