Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
