Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
