Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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