dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
