thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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