idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
