Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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