I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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