I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
