Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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