she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
