dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
