hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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