totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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