i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dicks are not precious.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize