The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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