what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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