Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
