Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
