i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
